jun 16, 2022
a kirkus star for tell me i'm an artist
jun 16, 2022
i'm doing a preorder campaign for tell me i'm an artist! preorder a copy (from anywhere) and then fill out this form to be entered to win an art project planner i made to accompany the book
jan 6, 2022
tell me i'm an artist is already being anticipated by nylon and your mom
mar 3, 2021
every time i'm on a podcast there is a moment where i feel like sarah palin when katie couric asks her what she reads and she panics and says "any of em that has been in front of me over all these years"
jan 18, 2021
short thing on neutral spaces: semen
dec 7, 2020
thank you spokane arts for the grant. i am very proud of this.
dec 3,2020
hey whats up? i have a novel coming out 2022 from soft skull press
oct 3, 2019
i'm a pregnancy blogger now. check me on nylon and the inlander
jan 5, 2019
so you want to be a freelancer on nylon
and a new short story on electric lit
dec 14, 2018
new work on nylon and the cut
sept 12, 2018
myths about your 30's debunked, for mcsweeney's
may 20, 2018
it seems like a good time to mention that my collection of comics, heavy-handed, is available to buy from psa press
for a mere $12
april 24, 2018
having never seen rushmore is my entire artistic identity thank you very much
jan 26, 2018
i have a monthly column at the inlander now, just keep that in mind
sept 22, 2017
to do: read some excerpts from caca dolce at nylon, lithub, and lenny letter,
then buy a copy
for yourself or a friend or even an ex-friend or could-be friend, you never know what might happen, then write a review,
even if you hate the book, i'm serious, then come see me at any of my upcoming west coast events, i'm serious
sept 3, 2017
"riotously dysfunctional" - the fucking New Yorker
sept 1, 2017
caca dolce is nylon's book club pick this month!
live facebook book club meeting sept 19
aug 21, 2017
lenny letter published an excerpt of caca dolce: ceramic busts.
also caca dolce, which o magazine called "a misfits paradise" (WHAT) is officially out tomorrow (WHAAATT)
june 27, 2017
early caca dolce reviews: kirkus
:-) nylon :-) huffpo
:-) preorder here and tell ur local bookstores to carry it B^) alright cool
june 25, 2017
why i decided to do nothing with my art degree except complain about it
may 31, 2017
caca dolce featured on nylon's summer books preview
sept 2, 2016
in spring 2015, someone stole my tampons. i finally get to the bottom of it in this thorough investigative essay that has already won several journalism awards
june 23, 2016
kati heng interviewed me for weird sister, also i commented on being an artist while also managing to be an artist for lithub, also you can still preorder mickey super cheap
may 21, 2016
"chelsea martin continues to prove herself the preeminent chronicler of internet age malaise and I fucking love it." - lena dunham
jan 1, 2016
mickey was excerpted in lenny letter
last week. it seems to have not made me rich or famous but c'est la vie i guess
aug 9, 2015
my book mickey will be published by curbside splendor next year >:-)
jun 30, 2015
my oeuvre is curently being featured on awst press
jun 12, 2015
new essays on buzzfeed and hobart
jan 28, 2015
buy a copy of introduction to hand modeling to change your life
dec 23, 2014
lena dunham likes my book so much she compared it to doritos on wall street journal
sept 11, 2014
proud that my premature death has been prophesized and honored in this anthology
sept 6, 2014
new things to read here and here hehhehehe ;-)
june 14, 2014
i have comics in this art show at helen day art center in stowe, vermont june 20-sept 1.
oct 20, 2013
next month i'll be filming a documentary about ee watching sex and the city for the first time in her life while we drive/train/bus around the east coast/midwest. between shoots i'll be promoting my new book. **filming schedule**
july 17, 2013
you may now preorder even though i don't miss you and i'm not sure why anyone would decide not to do so
may 1, 2013
just thought you should know that my new book even though i don't miss you will be released fall 2013 by short flight/long drive books
august 10, 2012
goin on lil bitch mini reading tour with my faves scott mcclanahan and elizabeth ellen. beautiful and talented special guests in every city. LOS ANGELES SEATTLE SAN FRANCISCO PORTLAND
july 14, 2012
my comic heavy-handed is being published on the rumpus every other wednesday, which may seem like a puny schedule for a simple comic, but just try to get a grip
may 5, 2012
my best girl ee interviewed me for hobart.
january 8, 2012
i'm reading at an "uncomfortable sex talk" reading on saturday january 14. anyone really uncomfortable hearing work that's based on my sex life should come! ex-lovers? current boyfriend? mom?
september 10, 2011
ugh everyone can tell i'm full of shit.
september 9, 2011
housefire declares me an art star. i think they used the term 'art star' loosely but that's not gonna stop me from acting like an asshole about it.
april 17, 2011
my second-tier bff and i just finished our comic? book called four-letter poems and it's available for preorder. buy buy
february 21, 2011
sometimes i look at my couchsurfing profile to remember how old i am. i don’t know why i trust it because it always says i’m logged in from "highland park" which i don’t even know what that is.
january 20, 2011
junior prom is a short film that was written by me and directed by riley michael parker.
december 11, 2010
short review of da new book in january issue of NYLON
december 7, 2010
started a design company called universal error
december 2, 2010
i accidentally snorted splenda when i was trying to pretend to snort real sugar.
december 1, 2010
i'm writing something called universal themes that anyone can relate to. read an excerpt of it on the fanzine, along with several pieces by other poets.
november 6, 2010
this is my favorite review yet of evrythn's fine til w/e
november 3, 2010
my book of stories, the really funny thing about apathy, will be released tomorrow. i know in my heart that it's basically as good as any paula deen cookbook. the best place to buy it is sunnyoutside. release party is november 14 at royal nonesuch gallery in oakland.
august 12, 2010
don't forget to buy your $ fifty dollar ticket $ to the seminar i'll be talking at on the 23rd. wouldn't wanna miss all the sarcastic looks stephen elliot and steve almond give each other as i speak riiiight?
august 4, 2010
a story from the really funny thing about apathy is on spork
march 10, 2010
my review of josiah wolf's comforting and reassuring breakup album is on the fanzine
febrauary 13, 2010
tao lin's thoughts about mcdonald's is impossible on the poetry foundation website
february 11, 2010
i'm reading in michigan soon. i'm thrilled. i've never actually been "thrilled" before. it's a more relaxing feeling than i would have guessed based on the representations of "thrilled-ness" i've seen portrayed in popular media.
february 5, 2010
i’ve made a chapbook called what i want and what i want. i can’t say anything about what it’s about or what i was thinking about while writing it because that’s in the past and i’m trying to live only in the present because i heard it makes life happier. if you buy it i don’t know what i’ll think because that will be in the future which also doesn’t count as the present.
december 15, 2009
tom cruise is the only other person who talks about himself as much as i do.
november 21, 2009
interview on
the rumpus. its full of timeless and inspirational quotes from
me such as "i'm
not a narcissist" and "i'm
pretty sure i'm not a narcissist" and "i like parties."
(for the record, though, people who insist that they are not narcissists
are usually really hot.)
november 2, 2009
oh nothin much just gotta new book forthcoming
november 1, 2009
i'm gonna be on 9th floor radio this
tuesday nov 3 at 7pm. you can listen online. see all upcoming readings here
october 26, 2009
i'm reading on nov 9 for the rumpus and wholpin's hate
to be alone. ummm,
its $10 to get in, which is my little way of saying "you poor people mean
nothing to me" and elegantly shaking my perfectly-styled hair away from my
face.
sf bay guardian hype
september 27, 2009
i'll be reading on oct
15 for litquake. i really hope someone at the reading tells
me to smile or cheer
up because i always forget about doing those things.
"[chelsea martin is] a great person... extremely hormonal." - her boyfriend, on what he would say (in a reminiscent tone) on Vh1's Behind The Poet, if there were such a thing.
article at SF Gate
awesome book i did cover art for
august 15, 2009
i'm masturbating in a way where i might die. please call ambulance
if i don't update this again soon.
june 20, 2009
the rumpus reviewed everything
was fine until whatever in a way that makes me feel really trashy. they
compared my characters to harmony korine's and said, "chelsea martin is a happening waiting
to accident." ...like a meth lab explosion?
june 2, 2009
FREE LIVE POETS XXX HOT POET GIFS BARELY LEGAL ISBN
may 29, 2009
you can win a copy of my book if you win this contest.
may 27, 2009
i'm very excited to be doing this
reading with my two favorite pieces of the internet. mike young will be 5'10", brandon
gorrell will be faking severe mental illness (as usual), and i'll be premenstrual. and we will all be saying 'haha' instead of smiling and 'hahaha' instead of laughing.
may 3, 2009
it's so easy
april 16, 2009
i'm reading in LA this weekend.
february 28th, 2009
preorder everything
was fine until whatever, please.
february 15, 2009
just kidding about that last thing. i was way too busy on valentine's day to be releasing any books. learn more about everything was fine until whatever on this informational page.
december 23, 2008
everything
was fine until whatever will be released valentine's day '09 from future
tense books
i'll fall in love with you if you promise to fall in love with me shortly after.
november 20, 2008
great
october 22, 2008
i did a lot of drugs last weekend and now things that i used to think were just okay seem
really good to me. plain butter is one. sam pink is another. i know its gross to eat butter
without attaching it to another food. i know sam pink is a terrible person and shouldn’t be
encouraged. but some of the more resistant brain cells are dead now.
september 23, 2008
i'm not selling dream dates anymore.
ok i am. but only to the desperate and lonely.
september 1, 2008
i contributed to the world by making the cover
art for a
book of poetry. what did you ever do? (i'm sorry, yes, i hate
my internet persona, too)
august 30, 2008
it’s time to stop asking “when are the three hottest babes in
literature going to be in a book together” and
start reading ‘young revolutionaries’ from happy
cobra books
august 25, 2008
hello my name is chelsea martin im a poet
august 1, 2008
if you think i'm going to write personal email responses to all those no colony offers, you can forget it. blake butler owns my heart and my condoms.
july 30, 2008
if someone buys me a copy of no colony,
i will send them this box of 240 (completely unusable for actual
sex) condoms! perfect for putting
on your feet like socks or something! for two copies of no
colony, i will unwrap each
condom
and put peanut butter in it
and send them to you that way. for three copies of no
colony,
i can do raspberry jelly instead of peanut butter. sexy?
july 26, 2008
to the easily convinced: purchase your
copies of see
you next tuesday: the second coming. it is more than available.
i am in it and kevin sampsell and blake butler are in
it and they are my friends and matt furie did the cover for
it and he is a
babe.
july 2, 2008
the cheese melted then burned.
wait, that isn't significant.
june 30, 2008
come sleep on my couch, azshoels.
i'm inviting you.
may 20, 2008
well, theres an indifferent little review about
dream date on KQED's website. i didn't really know i was that
weird.
april 30, 2008
dream date is in diet soap #2. dream date is overextending itself. this is the official end of dream date's world tour. good job, dream date.
april 29, 2008
my friend william schultz made a website.
i'm extremely and sincerely proud of him.
april 21, 2008
i've been given oulipean
affirmation kinda and italo calvino asked me out on a date. should i wear something?
april 15, 2008
kevin sampsell is jesus to me.
i fucking love him and he fuckin loves
me. why don't you go cry about it.
come to my reading or i'll swear in front of your mother.
april 12, 2008
come to my reading this wednesday. i'll deeply move you. details
here .
also i havesomething at zygote
april 4, 2008
new drawings : )
march 25, 2008
blake butler is my hero because he seems to like me and thinks i should not die.
I am definitely going to start using him as my emergency contact. he's homeless, though.
march 23, 2008
my story mcdonald's
is impossible is in no
posit vol 1. other things are good besides just me on there, you know,
too. huh?
march 17, 2008
this is stupid i love you
march 15, 2008
there are new interviews up in the personal questions section of
this website. 'up' as in 'posted,' not like 'erect.' not everything
is a sexual innuendo, you know.
march 3, 2008
dream date is on pequin and nothing else in the world has changed today.
february 19, 2008
take me to the future!
february 11, 2008
beeswax #4 is finally a part
of the physical world. oh plus, oh baby, lamination
colony have
my baby call me mommy etc
january 29, 2008
brandon scott gorrell is the new best sliced thing since bread. his
blog will crack your life open like a coconut and then you will eat what's inside
and start over. i've already done it four times.
december 5, 2007
i just inherited 50,000 condoms. when i first found out, i for
some reason heard '50,000 condiments' and made this comment about
a potential hot dog party which turned into kind of an awkward
situation.
november 26, 2007
buy my chapbooks.
november 12, 2007
yeah, dream date is out on chapbook, but if you're not one of my
favorite 10 people, you can dream on. unless i fall in love with you. which i probably will.
november 4, 2007
i'll be reading for hear/say on thursday, nov 15 in macky hall
(CCA oakland) at 7pm. i'll be reading from a series of mine called
dream date, which means things will be getting pretty sexy. bring
your hot single selves.
october 26, 2007
33% of all the email angelbaby received today is hate mail. now
i'm so sad and can't stop crying and everything. i wish i wasn't
such an "ass hol."
october 21, 2007
it's time to preorder beeswax #4. you're lucky i'm here doing all the thinking for you, dummy.
october 15, 2007
speaking of i $ you, too bad you didn't get a free zine while you
could. now you can buy one at modern times books, dog-eared
books and needles and
pens in san
francisco, as well as oakland's own issues if
you're gangsta. get this shit while it still stinks.
september 18, 2007
i $ you is in zine form and free at the north/south gallery. get
that < 300 limited edition copy worth abuncha money. act now or you may
end up with one that has a less-than-admirable staple job. act before
now, which was last night, and you can help me put them together, which
is a good way to get on my good side.
september 17, 2007
mike topp is the only person aside from me who makes sense. he gave
me a free copy of a book i already bought and thought was ok.
spetember 10, 2007
the inappropriate is being published in the next issue of oakland's no-nonsense, mind-your-stews-and-queues lit mag beeswax. geez, what an honor. buy many copies at many local book stores.
august 25, 2007
i had such an awesome partay night last night. me and william and job drank a little of the lot and paid a cover charge somewhere and talked to each other all night. then we came home and they said i could play whatever television show i wanted. NOT!
august 3, 2007
i ate some fancy chocolate yesterday, to induce lucid dreaming, but the only thing that happened was i had a bunch of dreams that my high school friends were making out with my college friends. and in my dreams i kept exclaiming things like "oh brother!" and i woke up feeling really bored.
july 16, 2007
congratulations! today is the one year anniversary of my graduation from those awkward teen years!
june 23, 2007
haha! email my secretary angelbaby_2002, she gets paid to read whatever you send her! haha! what a slut!
june 22, 2007
fact: the average genius browses jerkethics.com ten times every year, in his sleep, and never even realizes it.
may 18, 2007
lindsay lohan themed partay tonight, my house, shannon& clams to cover 'that girl' no sneak previews sorry
april 21, 2007
(update) actually i think you guys are just okay. like i would hang out with you and give you some pastries if i had any, but i wouldn't adopt your kids if you died. let's keep this an impersonal, business-like relationship, ok? i don't want to be tricked into any bff bullcrap.
march 25, 2007
thankyou melissa, max, ian, dylan & william.
i like you guys a lot.
march 1, 2007
i'll be doing a reading tonight at my apartment at 1am. just kidding i'll probably be drunk. just kidding i don't feel like drinking tonight. so i'll be reading, feel free to come over. i have a summer sausage that i'm going to cut up and put on the dining table. for everyone. if you're interested.
january 30, 2007
if you're stalking me, you're doing a pretty good job, cos i can't even tell.
january 9, 2007
i'd like to give a shout out to lauren cohen, who made me realize that i can just eat apples instead of brushing my teeth.
